Rhetorical Questions — A Short Story by Ichika Rika

I’ve always wondered what makes something beautiful. Like what is the standard? Apparently, beauty means something that satisfies the aesthetic craving of a person. But is that all there is to it?

Aren’t we missing something important?

Like something that defines what beauty really is?

***

I massaged my forehead trying to ease a sharp pain that has suddenly appeared.

“Hey, what are you thinking about?”

A soft feminine voice rang behind me. I turned around and saw a girl wearing a school uniform.

She tilted her head and asked once more.

“What are you thinking about?”

Her silver hair fixed into a ponytail swayed gently as the wind blew; the sunset behind her painting a blood red to the canvas which was once sky blue.

She took a step closer.

“What are you thinking about?”

The third question rang differently as I smelled her perfume. Her femininity emanating from her pure and defenseless body.

“Hey, if you’re always approaching random people like this, you might someday end up dead.”

I scoffed.

“Hahaha. Great one, uncle.”

She gave me a thumbs up.

“I wasn’t kidding y’know.”

“We all die anyway, y’know.”

Her tone suddenly darkened and her voice suddenly filled with seriousness.

She dispelled the atmosphere with a single clap and smiled.

“Care to join me?”

“Look, this is like the intro to some kind of a murder fiction where I’m the murderer and you’re the victim. Can’t you just take a hint and stop doing these things? Don’t you care for your life?”

I looked at her in disbelief.

“Surely, you wouldn’t want a young woman like me walking back home alone when it’s already this dark?”

“Look, the sun just set.”

“Come on, just take the hint!”

“What the hell?! Are you picking me up?! What is this reverse shit?”

“No! It’s because I’m scared!”

“Fine. Fine. But I’m leaving immediately after.”

***

When she said she was scared, she wasn’t lying. She wasn’t scared of the dark. She was scared of the whole idea of going home. Her house wasn’t even that far off from the riverside park where we met. But as the number of the steps we took grew, the quieter she became.

And when we’re in the block where her house is, she bid me farewell and walked home.

Weird situation, sure.

But it didn’t end there.

That riverside park was my bastion. I always go there after work to get some fresh air and hopefully get some kind of inspiration that would help me with writing. But for some reason, she always shows up there at the same time.

Always asking me the same question.

“Hey, what are you thinking about?”

Her tone never changed, her smile the same, it’s like déjà vu every time. Every. Fucking. Time.

It ended up being a call for help.

A cleverly masked “help me please.”

Then one day, she stood in front of me. Speechless and out of breath.

She just stood there like an awkward bird. Don’t ask me what an awkward bird looks like, just imagine it.

“Cat got your tongue?”

I jokingly said and laughed.

She shot me a look of disappointment.

“Ugh, shut up.”

She rolled her eyes and sat beside me.

She wanted to say something. She just doesn’t know how.

Hugging her legs, she hummed a familiar tone. I wanted her to open up so I mirrored. I hummed the same tune.

“You know, I like humming this song.”

She said as she stretched her legs.

“Oh really? Why?”

“It somehow makes me feel like I’m the only one in the world. My brain just shuts down and y’know, I just lose myself to the tune.”

“It’s the power of music.”

I smiled and closed my eyes.

“Yeah, the power of music”

She leaned her head onto my shoulders.

“Hey, stop that. I don’t want to be arrested.”

“Psh, shut up. I’m a graduating high school student. Totally legal.”

“Yeah, right.”

We both laughed at the stupidity of our conversation.

We talked about anything that came into our minds and didn’t realize that it’s been late. She stood up and said the same thing again.

“Hey, what are you thinking about?”

She smiled and extended her hand.

***

Today was different. It’s the first time I dropped her down in front of her house.

“Thank y-“

Just before she could finish her sentence, yelling happened from inside her house. Her body stiffened and she hugged herself. Her body visibly shaking in terror.

“Hey, is everything alright?”

“Y-yea. Just a little commotion. Haha…”

She laughed nervously. I didn’t pry. I didn’t want to be involved in anything too troublesome. So after saying bye, I went on my way home.

The next day was kind of the same thing, she didn’t say a lot and just stared blankly at nothing. She seemed deep in thought that I didn’t want to disturb her; I just sat there and adored her figure. I didn’t even think that a guy like me in his early twenties would be enchanted by her beauty.

Which takes me back to the first time I met her. The definition of beauty. At what point does something become beautiful? I think I finally found the answer to that.

I leaned closer to her and whispered.

“What’re you thinking about?”

“Uwa!”

Her body jolted to attention and she looked at me with a flushed face.

“Ugh, I hate you.”

I just laughed at her.

“So? What are you thinking?”

I smiled at her.

“Hmm, my family.”

She sighed.

“Does it have something to do with yesterday?”

“Yeah. It’s just…”

She paused, not knowing how to start the topic.

“It’s fine, you don’t need to force yourself.”

“No, I want you to know.”

“Then I’m here to listen.”

I gave her a comforting smile which she replied back with one of her own. She sighed deeply and prepared herself.

“The family I’m in, is not my real family.”

She took a deep breath and continued.

“I’ve… been lost in marriages, you see.”

“What does that mean?”

“Imagine this, your mom remarried. So you have a stepfather, yeah?”

“Yeah.”

I nodded.

“Then, your mom left. Leaving you with your stepfather. Which married another person. At that point, just who is the woman my stepfather married? Is she my step-stepmother?”

It was a rhetorical question. A question that needed no answer, but a question that needed to be asked.

She continued with her story.

“Repeat that cycle a lot of times and that basically explains my situation.”

She hugged her legs and buried her face to her chest.

“That means the people you’re with are not even related to you in any way?”

“Mhmm.”

She nodded.

“How about your other relatives?”

“They were against their marriage, so they basically disowned them. Both father’s side and mother’s side. They didn’t even acknowledge me.”

“I’m assuming that goes for the several other “step-grandparents” you had?”

“Yeah, who’d want to do something about someone they don’t even know. I’m basically just a burden from their previous relationships. A thorn of some sort stuck in their neck.”

The conversation didn’t advance from there. It took me some time to swallow everything that I’ve heard. A unique situation that has never occurred to me to be possible. Yet here I am.

***

Romantic relationships are very hard for me. The uncertainty of the future of the relationship repels me from committing to one. But this time, I want to do something different. I want to see where this one goes. I want to know what will happen next.

We kept meeting up even when it’s days off with school or work. It’s become routine at this point. Sit on the same bench, look at the same sunset, and talk about stupid things that pop into our minds.

Life goes on.

It didn’t take me awhile to realize that it’s been getting worse for her though. She started wearing longer skirts, longer shirts, she even stopped tying her hair and letting it all loose.

“I’m thinking of running away.”

She uttered under her breath.

“And go where?”

I responded.

“I don’t know.”

She sighed. The wind blew hard as if answering to her.

“How about my place?”

I offered. Her eyes met mine and she smiled.

“I didn’t expect you to offer your place.”

“Well, you have nowhere to go, right?”

“Yeah, I guess.”

She chuckled cutely as she hugged her legs once more. She really liked doing that.

“Just don’t expect anything grand. It’s just a small apartment.”

She laughed at my explanation.

“No need to be that serious about it, I’m just thinking about it. Not sure if I’ll actually do it. But you know-”

She dug her pockets for something.

“Give me your number.”

She waved her phone in front of me. I just stared at her.

“Ugh, come on.”

She pouted.

“Hey, no puppy eyes. That’s just unfair.”

“Heh, I’m a girl that knows how to use her charms.”

“Ugh, fine.”

I groaned as I reached for my phone. She quickly snatched it from my hands and opened it. I laughed as she realized her mistake.

“I mean for real? You really think I wouldn’t have a passcode on my phone?”

“Ugh, shut up.”

She gave it back to me and I entered the passcode. I took her empty hand and handed my phone back to her.

“Here you go, miss dumbass.”

“Ughh.”

She just groaned in response as she grumpily typed her phone number in my phone. After doing so, she handed me my phone still puffing her cheeks.

I grabbed my phone and poked her left cheek. She let out a ‘pfwoooo’ sound as her cheeks deflated.

This kind of cuteness should be illegal.

She smiled at me, stood up and uttered the magic words.

“What are you thinking about?”

She offered her hands and I accepted.

But this time, I had an answer.

“You.”

***

She didn’t say anything on the way to her house, though I can see her face being visibly flushed. It was the same thing, I see her enter her house, I leave and head to my own. The moment I arrived home, I received a text.

“You home already?”

I look at the sender’s name.

Yuki, huh.

“Yeah, just got home actually.”

I replied.

***

I just realized, this is another outlet for us to communicate. So even after we meet by the riverside park, we can still talk. I did tell her to not message me at a certain time because that’s my writing time. She agreed but sometimes she still messages me at that time and I get distracted. Not like I hate it though. Chatting with her is always something new to me.

She was the light to my darkening horizon. A really, really dark horizon. She basically saved me.

From myself.

I stood up and a rope brushed passed my cheeks.

“Funny how I used to think this was the answer to my problems.”

I got a ladder and untied the rope and started cleaning my apartment just in case Yuki actually runs away from her family.

Yuki found me at a time where I thought I was done for. If it wasn’t for her, I would’ve probably killed myself the next day. But she approached me and asked me that stupid question.

“What are you thinking about?”

It’s a goddamn rhetorical question. But it can also be a serious question. I interpreted it as the former, but deep inside I actually asked myself the same question.

Just what the hell was I thinking?

I was ready to kill myself because my plans didn’t work out. I was ready to end it all because I felt like a burden to my parents by being someone who was pursuing his dreams instead of actually working. They were never against it, but it just felt so wrong not being able to contribute to them.

I just felt like… a thorn.

Then Yuki opened up. Her words were an antidote to my toxic view. The internal turmoil inside of her must’ve been worse compared to mine. Adapting to a new family as you get passed around up until you lose the meaning of the word itself.

She doesn’t show it but I can see that she has already lost every meaning that word had.

I finished cleaning up and made sure everything’s in tip top shape. Yuki called me to ask where I am and that she’s already at the park waiting by herself. I told her I’m on my way and dropped the call.

***

She was already there, at “our” bench. Swinging her legs like an excited kid on a fieldtrip.

“Yo.”

I greeted her.

“Yoooo.”

She replied while repeatedly patting the space beside her.

“Pretty happy, huh? Something good happen?”

“Yeah!”

She stood up and smiled as wide as possible. Her aura gives light once more to my dark world. She outstretched her hands and said:

“I’m getting kicked out of the house!”

She said that with a smile.

What a fucking dumb ass.

Who gets this happy about getting kicked out of the house?

“Congratulations.”

I clapped slowly. Genuinely amazed at how she said it with the brightest smile on her face. The people around us are looking at her like she lost her mind. Some are looking at her with genuine faces of concern. I mean, being with such a shady guy like me would warrant that look.

I remove the hood of my hoodie which I always wore every time we met up and let loose of my dark, shoulder length hair.

“W-wow.”

Yuki looked at me, surprised.

“I never introduced myself haven’t I?”

I stood up and stretched my hand, offering a handshake.

“I’m Kuro.”

She looked at me like she’s seeing a different person. It was a look of awe. My hair started flopping around as the wind started blowing harder.

“I knew you were hiding something under that hoodie of yours.”

She took my hand and sat beside me still holding it.

“Sorry, I just didn’t have the confidence to face you.”

“It’s fine, what matters now is that you have it now.”

She pulled my hand and hugged me.

The warmest hug I’ve had ever since I left home.

“Are you crying?”

She whispered to me softly.

I didn’t even notice it that I started tearing up. Her warmth made me remember how it felt to actually live. How it felt to actually have a connection with someone. Something I gave up back then.

But here I am. With the person who saved me from the darkness that I was sure would consume me.

“I’m really thankful you talked to me back then.”

I answered back. I fumbled my words but I didn’t care. I wanted my reply to be straight from my heart.

“Mhmm.”

She nodded and pulled me closer.

I zoned out, I don’t know how much time has passed but I’m pretty sure I dozed a little bit. I feel a little lighter, like a weight has been lifted off of my chest.

And it’s all thanks to this girl who has her head on my shoulder, sleeping peacefully.

“Thank you so much.”

I leaned over and kissed the top of her head.

“You’re welcome.”

She looked at me and smiled.

I leaned closer and rubbed my nose with hers.

“So, when are you getting kicked out?”

“Tomorrow. I’ve already prepared my essentials.”

“Good thing I cleaned my room earlier, then.”

“Well, then. Tomorrow. Same time, same place?”

“Yup.”

***

That was the end of that night. I remember being so nervous I couldn’t sleep properly. I made sure I had enough beddings. I made sure I stocked up on the essentials. I didn’t know someone moving in with you had this kind of anxiety mixed in it.

The time for our meeting was rapidly approaching. I picked up a couple of canned coffee from a nearby convenience store. I sat at our bench and drank the coffee while I twiddle my thumbs in anxiety. I arrived a couple of hours early so I fiddled with my phone for a bit.

Yuki has been texting me all day. Apparently, she couldn’t wait to move in. I told her I’m the same. Which got me thinking about the same thing I was when she asked me that question.

Beauty.

I’ve found the answer.

Beauty is not something that can be defined by wonderful things. It’s something that is defined by the mess surrounding it. Without an opinion of what “beauty” is, a person might find something beautiful where you might find it as horrible.

In the end, it’s based on a person’s tastes and background.

There’s no clear answer.

A rhetorical question.

I never expected an answer, because there’s no clear answer.

And I think that’s beautiful in and of itself.

She arrived at exactly the time she told me she would. She had about 4 bags with her so I rushed to her side and helped her.

“Thanks.”

She smiled and gave me a peck on the cheek.

“Hey, we’re in public.”

“Meh, who cares, we’re basically all over each other when we’re at the park anyway.”

“Touche.”

We both laughed.

The sun had begun to set and the moon finally had its time to reign the heavens together with the stars. Yet here I am, with the sunshine that saved me from the darkest part of my life.